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Miles Apart

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What happens when we  look at our marriages and one day, we realize that we are traveling along on the same road, yet miles apart?  You are in front of the computer, your spouse is watching TV.  You are doing laundry, he or she has brought work home.  You share the same space, but barely utter two words in an entire evening. 
 
Time to consider what is fueling the disconnection.   We all need time to "wind down" at the end of the day, but what happens when that time for ourselves turns into avoidance of our partners? 
 
The term "soft addictions" refers to seemingly harmless habits... time wasters like watching too much TV, endlessly surfing the internet, procrastinating—that actually keep us from connecting with one another. Soft addictions are known to rob us of time, numb us from our feelings, mute our consciousness, and drain our energy.
 
Designate a time each night  to "shut it down".  Reenergize your relationship by checking in with each other, really listening and engaging at the end of the day.  Life is so hectic when we are apart, let's make sure to be emotionally available and present when we actually have that precious time together.
 
Do you find your relationship suffering due to a "soft addiction"?  Let's talk about ways to enjoy the ride TOGETHER.

 

Dr. Dae may be reached via e-mail at DrDae@aol.com or for daily tips and musings, follow her on Facebook.

 

Comments

Friday, June 18, 2010

I hadn't realized there was anything behind that 'tune out' time. This is something for me to think about. Why do I choose other chores over spending time with the one I most want to spend time with? Hmm?

 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

We want to "wrap things up" at the end of the night... do all of the chores that didn't get done while running around all day. But there will always be a sock on the floor, a toy out of place.

For some it's simply about changing gears and focusing on what's really important, but for others it can be more difficult. Busy-work can be used as an avoidance tactic due to previous conflict in the relationship or fears about intimacy.

Good for you for exploring this for yourself! Let me know if I can help, because I guarantee that connecting with your partner will be more fulfilling than a load of perfectly folded laundry any day!
~Dr. Dae

 

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